all i know

Begin writing your post here....
well ok if i even knew how to put it into words

November 13th, only two more months of the year, what a crazy year it has been
from losing a job to getting a new one. to getting a dui, to it being dismissed.
to being told what all meant, and having what your mind created into an illusion

if my January self looked at my november self it would be so proud
it would be so proud that through it all look how i came out

and yet all i can think of is when i talked to these people in different cities/states/countries

> life is so hard
yea i know
has it never not been?

> well yea you know, it use to be so tame, so relaxed, you could feel it in the air

really?
i never knew

seems all i knew is how to survive
seems all ive known is planning, containing, reacting
im trying to think when has a year, or a month, let a lone a week
felt something is coming down. if the day goes by without a hitch I count that as a win
but then i know tomorrow is going to be brutal, for two days in a row can never happen.
not to me.

> im sorry thats how youve been living, and im sorry thats all youve known

you seem to be sorry for me.
dont be.
through decisions, and and operation and planning
look where i am, and look where i want to be
im off back home to dc now
do you have instagram? its been a pleasure to talk to you

i'll send you a postcard when i get back to new york
thanks for caring about me

but this is the only life ive known
and the only way its been to me

- Cesar 11.13.25